Most Oklahomans will never spot the billboards our state has apparently planted across Texas highways.
We aren’t the target audience becuase we already live here, for better or worse. But Houston Chronicle writer Gwen Howerton did catch one on the way back into Houston, and wrote an entire column this week that was dedicated to explaining why Texans want nothing to do with Oklahoma.
Which, frankly, is a win for us.
Howerton wrote that while inching through I-45 traffic near The Woodlands, a sign flashed: “You’ve spent 47 hours in traffic this year. MOVE TO OKLAHOMA.”
A curious Howerton looked online and discovered other Texans had been seeing similar messages.
One Dallas driver mocked the pitch on Threads: “Cut your commute by 21.4 minutes; MOVE TO OKLAHOMA.”
Another Texan posted on X: “Well played, Oklahoma. I don’t think it’ll work, but well played.”
Eventually, the source of these billboards was unearthed: Oklahoma Lt. Gov. Matt Pinnell, who last month proudly posted a photo of an Oklahoma billboard in Dallas reading “If you lived in Oklahoma, you’d be home by now.”
He added a playful #BeatTexas in a nod to the Red River Shootout, which we lost later that day with an injured quarterback.
Howerton then dove into the “Move to Oklahoma” campaign – something most Oklahomans might only faintly remember existed — and learned Pinnell and the Department of Commerce have been openly trying to lure fed-up Texans north.
Tulsa is offering $10,000 for remote workers. OKC’s selling its streetcars, parks, cheap-ish houses, and improved marijuana laws.
The state’s been bragging about shorter commutes, booming economies, and wide-open spaces.
Howerton eventually landed on a punchline: “I’d rather be dead and stuck in traffic in Houston than alive in Oklahoma.”
On behalf of Statesman: Perfect. Outstanding. We support this decision 100 percent. Please stay exactly where you are.
Because here’s the part Oklahoma officials don’t put in glossy relocation ads:
Oklahoma is full.
Our highways already look like a California-Texas license plate swap meet. Our infrastructure is hanging on by a thread. And OKC and Tulsa are expensive enough without importing another wave of people who show up, wondering where the Whole Foods at, and why we don’t have commuter rail.
And forgive us if we’re skeptical, but what exactly do these newcomers plan to vote for once they get here? The same policies that created the traffic, taxes, homelessness and crime they’re running from?
Are we supposed to look forward to hypodermic needles sprinkled around Lake Hefner like it’s a resort in Portland?
Or even more “urban camping” along Charles Page Boulevard?
Here’s a friendly suggestion to anyone feeling tempted by those billboards:
Vacation in Broken Bow. Enjoy the cabins. Spend some money. And then go home.
It’s better for everyone. We don’t have to pretend our schools aren’t ranked 50th (come for the low commute times, stay because you forgot how to leave).
And you don’t have to deal with the culture shock of a place that still says “sir” and “ma’am.”
And if you really want a taste of Oklahoma?
Just wait! The Oklahoma City Thunder will be handing out an on-court beating at a city near you soon enough. Consider that your sample platter.
As for Gwen Howerton:
We genuinely appreciate the “no thanks.” That’s one recruitment response Statesman is absolutely thrilled to see.
Sincerely,
Statesman